OBAMA ON TRACK TO WASHINGTON PARTIES

There was much news coverage today over President-elected months ago, Obama's train ride down the East Coast to his new home (called The White House), in a very nice area of Washington D.C. It is rumored by his staff that he will be staying in his new digs for the next four years and, for perhaps four more years if the President is able to renegotiate the lease. The house Mr. Obama will be staying in was recently sold to an undisclosed party by Secretary of State Condelezza Rice (She has a real estate licence in the capital city and, Say's she sold every listing she has gotten in the Washington area). She also sold a little piece of oil rich real estate called Alaska, to billionaire financier and philanthropist, Vice President Dick Cheney. The undisclosed third party to the White House deal is rumored to be either: China, Abudabi or Australia's favorite son, Rupert Murdoch. Terms are said to be a thirty year fixed mortgage through FHA.

In related news, the other 350 billion dollars of tarp money has been asked for to help lending institutions like FHA, find it easier to make mortgage loans to unqualified customers.

It is hopeful the new President doesn't try to take a drink as he is toasted at the dozens of different parties he will be attending. President Bush warns that consuming too much alcohol can cause permanent brain damage and delusions. President Bush also warns all those youngsters out there that, too much nose candy in the oval office can cause you to garble your words. At least I guess that's what he said.

NASA said today that "there must be life on mars (oh, what the heck), intelligent life on planet mars due to the massive amounts of methane gas in the atmosphere." NASA further speculated that because we have not seen the Martians above ground that, the Martians must be living underground. NASA believes that the massive amounts of methane detected means the Martian diet must be made up of beans, weenies, sauerkraut and spam. "Spam makes me bam, bam" one NASA scientist observed.

In international news, somebody is mad at somebody else and the Irish eat potatoes. In short, who really cares? We've got enough problems.

In Sports, the Detroit Lions are not a very good team and the Detroit Red wings keep getting bigger and bigger bonuses as they keep knocking out more peoples teeth to put under their pillows. Soon the Detroit Tigers baseball team will be playing and then the Detroit Lions football team won't look like they had a loosing record at all. Perhaps the problem is that the players and coaches of the two teams should just switch sports. The team records couldn't get any worse especially for the Lions. Sports teams outside my home state of Michigan are difficult to deal with at this time because of some very emotional problems I'm having after the Lions last season (I smashed my @$## TV).

Finally, yesterday a question that has plagued man since the dawn of air travel was answered: Yes you can land a large Air Bus plane in the Hudson River but, it will not take off from the Hudson River. It is obvious more training will be needed in the future so that anyone who lands an Air Bus in the Hudson River is able to turn it back around and take back off from the river.