After months of deliberation and debate, the greatest financial minds in the world have come up with a way to finally get the Dow Jones Industrial Average to stop going down and start going up: Just drop the whole thing down to zero and start all over. “It can’t go below zero,” one Yale Economist said.
“Well, theoretically it can,” one MIT Economist chimed in.
“If it does go into negative numbers then we are all, royally phooey sticked in the shoot that poops,” observed a Harvard Economics Professor, “that would mean the stock market was giving people money not to buy shares of stock”. There is a novel behavior called “saving money” which is akin to receiving money according to Ben Franklin. For example: “a penny saved is a penny earned” or, “a dollar spent is a dollar burned” or, “an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth” or “ skunky beer gives you a belly ache” and so on.
Although there is no consensus amongst Economists regarding where the Dow is headed, all agreed that once it hit rock bottom, (theoretical rock bottom) it would have no where to go but up. Stock traders think that zero is a good place to start the market. “Coke started over with Zero Coke,” one trader commented, “and it didn’t end up so bad”. So when the Dow hits zero it will be time to break open your piggy bank and buy, buy, buy.
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