PSYCHIC IS VISITED BY SAM WALTON

IN THE NEWS NEWS
By Ted Colin
It seems the nation of Dubai has gone broke. Dubai has been touted as one of the great financial and cultural centers in the world. Dubai is a member of the United Arab Emirates and was founded by popular group of 1960’s pop stars known as the Doobie Brothers.   The Brothers know how to throw a party but evidently, like many performers they have trouble hiring the right people to manage their money.

BUSINESS NEWS
By Tim Colin
As the dollar weakens the value of gold continues to set new record highs. The Treasury Department, in order to insure that the dollar is eventually still worth something, has begun printing paper currency on softer, triple ply paper. “Softer than Charmin” is the new motto which is planed to be printed on the one dollar bill.

SPORTS I CARE ABOUT
By Tim Colin
The Detroit Lions have won two games this season. It seems the Lions have gotten their “pride” back and are functionally like a family again. I’m not from Detroit but, overall I can tell you that Michiganders have a restored since of confidence and of pride in their Lions. I’ve even started wearing my Lions cap and sweatshirt at the local sports bars. I used to get booed and threats when I came in. Now, now one mocks me. They simply stand aside when I enter the bar with my Lions clothing. Even if the Lions win no more games this season, the hope of a string of wins next year will keep loyal Lions fans buying everything Lions.

PSYCHIC NEWS
By Mistress Madam Misty Merkel
Today I rubbed my Petoskey stones together and ended up in a trance talking to Sam Walton, founder of the Wal-mart stores. He told me that when he first had cheap jewelry made in China he had someone just like me in mind as his ultimate customer. He also said that my trailer could be a showroom of low cost furnishings and accessories purchased from his Arkansas store 30 years ago. I guess I made him mad when I told him that most of my stuff was purchased at K-mart, because Sam just stormed off and disappeared. I’m glad I didn’t tell him the truth that most of my stuff was really bought at the pawn shop.

OUTDOORS NEWS NUTS
By Mike Colin
I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. I set up a turkey fryer too close to the siding at my parent’s house and dropped a frozen turkey into the boiling grease. Well, the house caught on fire and burned completely up. Now my parents are going to be staying at my place for a while until their insurance money comes in. So, turkey day wasn’t so good for me and with my parents hanging around I doubt I’ll be having too merry of an X-Mass party this year.