U.S. PAYING WAR REPARATIONS TO THE MEN OF THE MOON

IN THE NEWS NEWS
By Ted Colin
Associate Editor
Well our nation has finally capitulated to the demands for war reparations from the occupants who live beneath the lunar surface.  The twin spacecraft that entered lunar orbit last New Years Eve are not there to survey what lies beneath the moon but instead are there with valuable cargo which must be delivered to the moon creatures in order to keep them from destroying our planet.

As has been recorded in previous editions of this seldom published news magazine, the United States lost the initial war with the moon creatures.  Then President Obama ordered a nuclear strike at the lunar poles in order to measure the amount of water that flew up into the atmosphere.  In fact finding water at the poles was just a cover story for what was a thermal nuclear attack which failed miserably.  It seems the moon men have perfected the art of constructing force fields that can withstand anything theta our great military can throw at it.  It seems the scientists on the moon grew  up watching star trek and remembered the secret to constructing force fields that was reviled in episode six in during the forth season of the show.

Ironically, the fourth season was never shown here on earth because the show was cancelled in the third season however, the fourth season was beamed into outer space by project Betty using microwave technology.     Project Betty was the precursor program to Project Setti,  Project Betty tried to send messages regarding how powerful but enlightened the people of this planet are.  Project Setti has since that time been waiting for someone to send a signal back to us.  Of course there is great debate amongst scientists as to whether or not we should have used the Star Trek TV show to show beings on other worlds how we earth people behave and how advanced our spaceships are both in terms of speed and military capabilities.    Some scientists believe that pretending that our civilization is as advanced as the one on Star Trek is just about like lying to the whole universe.  These naysayer think that if aliens ever do stop by the earth they might think that we are nothing but a race of lying, deceitful creatures and the space aliens might just disintegrate our whole planet just for wasting their time.

There are other scientists who believe that pretending we are more advanced than we are to the galactic community is a good thing.  They point out that there are most likely a lot of hooligan species out there roaming around the galaxy looking to plunder worlds with unsophisticated technologies.  There maybe whole planets full of pirates out there just beboping around looking for trouble.   The problem with any type of advanced techno bullies is that we really have no defenses against beings with the ability to travel across solar systems let along galaxies and maybe across the whole universe.  While we try to master the finer points of the “Rock, Paper Scissors “ game our alien friends are playing games like “Projected Plasma Disintegrator, Encrypted Tachyons, Singularity Grenade.”
 
BUSINESS NEWS 2012
By Tim Colin
Editor
In the past few years the prices of homes, stocks, bonds, municipal bonds and, copper have crashed.  The fact is that most things that people invest in have lost most of their value.  In short, most people who worked and saved money all their lives are now just as broke as those who never held a steady job or saved a penny.  What’s worse is that those who worked and saved are now in need of expensive health care because by working so hard they have worn out their minds and bodies. While the hard working savings oriented people are lying in the cardiac ward the rest of us will be sipping fancy coffees and eating pizza pies and of course, living into our 80‘s or 90‘s.   So, to the millions of hard working savings minded  people all I have to say is “Suckers.”.  .

SPORTS I CARE ABOUT
By Tim Colin
Editor
The lions.  Wait until next year. Literally, they might just be the team to beat in the Superbowl.  The only sport in Northern Michigan worth noting now is snowmobile stranding.  We locals love this sport.

What some of the locals up here do during snowmobile season is  figure out the nasty places where snowmobiles are likely to get stuck along designated snowmobile trails.  This spot could be a place with lots of outcropping rocks, or a lake or pond or maybe even a bog full of quicksand.  They then set up signs along these designated snowmobile routes that lead down state persons directly into our snowmobile traps.  Of course they just sit by the wayside waiting for someone to enter the trap and then demand lots of money to get said person and their machine out of said trap.

OUT DOORS NEWS NUTS
By Ted Colin
Associate Editor
It is sad to report that a large man from Livonia was prowling around in the woods here in Northern Michigan looking for wild pigs when he was attacked by a lizard creature.  This lizard creature is believed to be the one known as “Lizard Man” by the locals and has a voracious appetite for pork products.   This creature has reportedly attacked trailer parks and stolen bacon and stole a pig from a Haitian luau party.  He has even gone so far as to attack a truck filled with several hundreds of pounds of pork product.  He has even been known to snatch away pet pigs.

Sheriff Coffee of  Roscommon County  states that “ Although this ‘lizard man’ has taken off with live pigs, roasting pigs and, pork products such as bacon, this is the first time the creature has actually attacked a human being.”

When pressed upon as to why a human was attacked by the “lizard man” Sheriff Coffee referred the press to Under Sheriff Doughnut.  Under Sheriff Doughnut stated that the man who was attacked was very heavy set and was trying to lure in wild pigs by shouting “Oink” at 14 second intervals.  It seems the man has had good experience calling in wild pigs down in Livonia using such a call-in approach.

After getting all the information I could from  the authorities I decided to go ahead and track down this “Lizard Man” monster myself. I immediately found the man who was attacked at the closest tavern to the hospital that had treated him.  He was not seriously injured although the Lizard had taken a chunk of meat out of his belly.  Evidently the lizard was not Canadian otherwise he would have gone for the less fatty meat.

 I decided to follow-up on the information that Coffee and Doughnut had given me by  getting  the story directly from the victim. The victims name was Mr. Randy  Sydney Sow.  When I approached Mr.  Sow at the tavern I immediately noticed that he was naked from the waist up except for bandages over a large area of his belly.  I also noticed he smelled a lot like one of those 24 hour breakfasts joints.  The closer I got to him the more I noticed that he smelled just like the pancake place I had been to earlier that day.  Mr. Randy Sydney  Sow smelled just like freshly fired bacon.  So, after I introduced myself  I could not help but to  ask him why he smelled so much like bacon.

“Well the thing is I went to this tanning joint last night and I fell asleep.  I was in that tanning booth four hours before the lady who runs the joint came around and woke me up.  It did seem at the time that I smelled kind of funny but she thought I smelled really good.  I guess women are attracted to the smell of bacon.  I’ll remember that the next time I want my wife to be on the romantic side.  I’ll just burn my old skin up really good and that will make her love me.  I could have had a lot more girlfriends in high school and college if I only knew then that women don’t want a good looking guy, or a rich guy or even a smart guy.  The only thing a woman wants is a man who smells like breakfast.”

Of course I realized that the reason for the attack on Mr. Sow was  because he smelled like bacon.  I therefore ended my interview and am now just awaiting the next attack upon man or pork before I once again have to investigate  the “Lizard Man”.

PSYCHIC NEWS
By Mystic Madam Misty Merkel
A lot of people are getting ready for the world to end in 2012.   One reason people believe the world ends in 2012 is because the Ancient Mayans left a calendar for us in the modern day, in which the world ends on December 21st 2012.  Of course one problem with this end of the world theory is that no one today actually speaks ancient Mayan.  Where the Mayans use to live I believe people speak Spanish so how does anyone really know what the Mayan calendar actually predicts.  So, I decided to channel the ancient Mayan high priestess to see when exactly the world would end.

Now, the name of the high priestess of the Mayans is Charlene.  Her father who had been the high priest before her wanted a boy and had picked out the name Charlie for him.  Well, his child was a girl so Charlene was the name she got which is similar to Charlie.  She did tell me that everyone called her Charlie as her nickname.

“So Charlie, when is the world going to end?” I asked.

“Well you see Madam Misty,” she began, “The world is not going to end in 2012 as most people believe.  These modern eggheads at your universities have completely read the undo of the world date wrong.”

Charlie stopped for a moment and took a sip of the Mogen David wine I had given her.  I always offer visiting spooks Mogen David wine because after being dead they really appreciate a nice sweet wine that goes down easy.  After all, the dead are used to sucking down dirt which is really bitter so a sweet wine  gives them pleasure and makes them feel like they are still alive and of course the alcohol makes them talkative.  “In fact Madam Misty the professors at your universities have misread the date we have ensconced in stone as the day the world ends.  Your brainy people have interpreted the Mayan calendar to set the date of the end of the world as December 21, 2012.  In fact, the world ends on October 12, 2021.  It seems that smart people in your time suffer from the disease our doctors use to call dyslexia.”

“That’s very interesting,” I replied. “But, What causes the end of the world?” I asked.

“The end of the world is really sad, Madam Misty.  You see in the state of Michigan there will be this pig farmer named Johansen.  Now it seems that Johansen has always entered the pig contest at the fair every single year since he was a little boy.  Of course he never got the blue ribbon for having the biggest pig at the fair.  Well, by 2021 Johansen will have a boy of his own who is entering a pig at the fair in the pig with the most weight category.  Now Johansen is determined that his son should win the blue ribbon so he devises a scheme to make the boy’s pig become really huge. You see Johansen knows that only a third of what a pig eats turns into pork and the rest of the food goes out the back end.  So Johansen decides to cork the back end of the pig up really tight so that everything the pig eats goes into weighing up the pig for the fair.  Johansen then has truckloads of baked goods that bakeries and stores have thrown out trucked into his pig farm.  The pig then began to eat.   Well, over the course of months the pig gets bigger and, bigger and, bigger until he is as big as the state of Michigan.  Now Johansen figures his son is surely going to take home the blue ribbon and might even set a record for the being the worlds largest pig.  So Johansen sets about having trainloads of discarded backed goods hauled into his pig farm.  Then his pig got bigger and, bigger and bigger until the pig was as huge as all of Canada but still, Johansen wanted to make sure his son would win the blue ribbon so he contracted for giant containerships to deliver vast quantities of discarded backed goods from every bakery and store in the entire world.  Of course the pig then got bigger and bigger, and bigger until it was as big as all of North America.”

“So Johansen’s son must of won the blue ribbon at the state fair,” I said thinking that the story seemed to have a happy ending.  “He must have been quite the happy boy.  I bet his father was really proud as well.”

“Actually no, the boy did not win the state fair and no one knows what Johansson’s last thoughts were,” Charlie continued.  “For you see before the judges at the fair could check out the final weight of the Johansen mega pig there was an incident.  It seems that someone little 2 year old girl named Sandy was playing down in Tijuana which is where the backend of the monstrous pig was situated and little Sandy decided she would give a little tug on the cork.  Of course the cork had so much pressure behind it that just a slight tug was all it took for the pig to really open up.  Well, I don’t think I need to paint you a picture of the aftermath.  Needless to say the entire earth became uninhabitable for millions of years.  Every single species of beast and flora became extinct all over the earth.  Of course after millions of years the earth was colonized by alien farmers who found that this planet had the richest soil in the universe.”

“Oh that poor little girl,” I observed.            

“The little girl was actually  the only survivor of your species” responded Charlie .  “You see the initial blast out of the pigs backend was so great that the little girl was blasted off into outer space with a methane bubble protecting her from depressurizing in outer space.  At least she survived a few minutes until an alien space craft picked her up and took her away to another world where she was raised like a little princess.”  

Well, once the wine was gone the Mayan high priestess was gone as well. I guess that according to the Mynas we are going to have to wait a few more years until the world actually ends.    But, 2021 is really not that far off so maybe we should all start preparing for that now.  I’m going to start buying canned goods to store because I’m sure toward the end of days there will be a lot of chaos which leads to food shortages.  One thing though is that I wont have to worry about expiration dates on my canned goods being beyond the year 2021.  Already most of the canned goods I buy  are at the dollar store and the dates are in some kind of code and you have to call a 1-800 number to find out what date the code references.  I tried calling the 1-800 number once but, the person on the other end of the line spoke complete gibberish which I could not understand. I think they must of been a politician moonlighting as a real working person.. 

SPACE NEWS
By Gerrard
Writer
I just hope that in 2012  I can get abducted by aliens and taken to some exotic world full of great looking girls who are more interested in a guys mind then what he looks like.  I think that an intelligent guy like me could really settle down with a nice alien lady and maybe our kids would have super powers  or magic powers or at least have some animal like abilities like being able to run like cheetah or jump like a kangaroo you know, something like that.

Of course our kids would have my business that they could take over and run while I’m all vacationing with their beautiful alien mom.  I wonder if somewhere in the universe there is a place like Hawaii that I could take my alien sweetheart.  I think I’d go on a permanent vacation there and let the kids pay me dividends off my business.  My business is (in case you didn’t know) the raising and selling of rats to high schools and colleges.  I raise extremely intelligent rats that are used in psychological experiments.  NBC may even make a weekly reality/game show using my rats called “Am U Smart Are Then a Rat?”     I think the guy producing the show is some sort of southern redneck but hey, I don’t care.  Redneck money is still green.      I did hear that in the pilot show the rat won every round so the producers had to edit the show otherwise some in the human audience might take offence to seeing a rat always beating out a human in intelligence.

Myself, I know how smart rats are because they always beat me at checkers.  A couple of them tried to teach me how to play chess but I just can’t remember how all the pieces move especially those horses.  Do horses more two squares forward then slide to one side or slide one square diagonally forward then slide straight forward one square?  I don’t know.  I just can’t remember.    
   


.  

SAY GOODBYE TO UNCLE OSLO: HE WENT OUT WITH A BANG

IN THE NEWS NEWS
By Ted Colin
Well it is almost official. Nearly every state in the union is working to pass some sort of law to test future presidential candidates to see if they are really human or, if they are some sort of alien avatar that is seeking to suck out our brain cells and replace them with seed pods. It is of course too late to do anything about people in congress. Most of them had some kind of acid reflux disease in college which rendered them incapable of holding down a real job. Many people believe that it is impossible to get the attention of our congress. I disagree. Just shine some headlights at them and they will stand there and stare into the lights for hours.

BUSINESS NEWS
By Tim Colin
I hate it when Ted gets all political in his columns. Then, I have to read more e-mail complaints then we even have readers. So, for all you people out there who enjoy staring into headlights for hours, I most humbly apologize.

It seems that the stock market is not doing well because some countries over in Europe are about ready to go all 1970’s South America and declare bankruptcy. I guess things are so bad that the U.S. sent past Columbian dictator Manuel Noriega over to France to straighten things out for the Europeans. “Firing Squads VS the guillotine” should be a pretty good show for some histories greatest warriors cable show. Noriega and his firing squads and the French and their guillotine might sound good when you read it on the TV channel but, I think I’d put my money on the firing squad.

SPORTS I CARE ABOUT
By Mike Colin
The greatest outdoorsman I have ever known has died in a tragic underground explosion. I am of course talking about my Great Uncle Oslo. Uncle Oslo was a hunting and fishing maverick. He invented new ways to hunt and fish faster than the government could pass laws to ban them. Thanks to Uncle Oslo you can no longer hunt geese using lawn jarts or, use horse shoes to hunt chickadees. His electric chair for the snow shoe hair was once featured in “The Alternative Hunter Magazine.” He was also on 60 Minutes before he went to jail for helping his friend, Dr. Kevorkian.

The local police believe that Oslo was blown up by a still he kept hidden in an old bear cave. My aunt told me that in fact, Uncle Oslo was getting ready to go fishing and was busy making up some home made dynamite when the explosion occurred. My dad said Uncle Oslo would be alive today if he had only stuck to the old family recipe for making dynamite instead of downloading one off the internet.

There is some good to come out of the tragic death of my uncle. It seems that Uncle Oslo never told anyone as to whether he wanted his remains cremated or buried after he died. Well, since his body was instantly vaporized in the blast and then the ashes were buried when the bear cave caved in, one way or the other my uncle’s final wishes have been carried out.

PSYCHIC NEWS
By Psychic Madam Misty Merkel
Well, I think next month is going to be hot. Talk about hot; I just got back from those desert states down south and out west. After a few days in that heat my turkey timer popped up and I was done. I also lost my life savings in Los Vegas. It will probably be another seven years until I can squirrel away another $100.00.

I was also the victim of the new racial profiling law in Arizona. I was not profiled because of my skin color. I’m so pasty white that the local funeral home calls me three times each week to see if they can drop by and pick up the corpse I have at my trailer. At first I thought it was the neighbor kids’ crank calling me again but, when I hit display on my phone and called the number back sure enough, it was the funeral home that had called me.

Anyway, I was targeted in Arizona by a hotel detective because of the clothing I had on. It seems that people in that state don’t like people who wear University of Michigan T-shirts at hotel lounges. Besides harassing me about my tee, this hotel cop accused me of stealing towels and toiletries out of my room and even off the cart of one of the cleaning ladies. Well, I agreed to return the towels and split half the toiletries with the cop. The toiletries are fruity smelling and are really too low class for this lady anyway. Of course after returning the towels I’m going to have to find mom another gift for her birthday.

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
By Gerrard
The movie Avatar was released on DVD. I guess the movie is really good but, I can’t watch it. Every time I watch a 3D movie I get a nose bleed. It seems the 3D effect makes me so sick to my stomach that I always throw up. Of course, the person I throw up on gets really mad and pops me and that’s when my nose starts to bleed. I’m afraid that Avatar has so much 3D effects in it that I’d most likely need a blood transfusion by the end of the movie. I’m just going to have to wait until Disney makes Avatar into a cartoon musical before I can see it. I do like Sigourney Weaver though so, I’d like to try and chance it and go see the movie anyway. Then, I start to remember how I hate to waste food, especially all that buttery popcorn. But, I just can’t bring myself around to eating popcorn that looks like someone sprayed strawberry jelly all over it.

THE LEAKERS ON CAPITAL HILL

IN THE NEWS NEWS
By Tim Colin
It has been reported that we have a government full of leakers. I confirmed that we have a lot of leakers in Congress by talking to a custodian at the Capital. Over the phone he told me that the custodial staff was constantly mopping and wiping up the messes that the congressmen leave behind. It seems that many of the elderly law makers have problems getting their diapers changed before they have s seepage problem. Of course the custodian I talked to said that the elderly legislatures have far fewer problems than the younger ones. It seems the younger ones often have drinking problems and get confused as to whether they are at their favorite bar/ brothel or trying to hit the shrubs under their hotel window. The custodial worker ended the conversation by saying that cleaning up after the leakers is hard on the capital staff but, it was still better than the poor guy that has to shine their shoes.



BUSINESS NEWS
By Ted Colin
My pay toilets in the woods business has gone bust. It seems I did not understand that people have no problem relieving themselves in our great outdoors for free. All I can say is that if you go into a woods that has no pay toilets that you had better watch your step.

It is now illegal in many states to sell coffee mixed with beer in stores. It seems coffee and beer mixed makes some people very sick. I guess that’s why people throw up when you give them coffee to sober them up. I do wonder how people drink Irish Coffee. Maybe whiskey is more calming to the stomach than beer. Maybe the states just need to raise the requirement of the alcohol content of the coffee/beer drink and that would make people feel better.

OUTDOORS NEWS
By Mike Colin
This is a great time of the year to set snares. I’ve been setting snares since I was five years old. I’ve never snared anything but, this year is going to be different. In the past I’ve always set snares for small animals like squirrels and my brother’s guinea pig. I decided maybe a larger beast might be easier to snare. So, I decided to go over to my Cousin Lester’s house. My cousin can’t find a job and still lives with his parents on a farm. Lester is only 12 years old but he already has a pet buffalo named Sandy. The buffalo stays mostly in a coral next to the chicken coup.

I decided to try snaring Sandy with some hard to see mono-filament 10 lb. test fish line. I set out a snare and by gosh sandy was snared for a couple of seconds. Sandy easily broke the line but, I had confidence that I could now snare an animal. I next got some laundry line cord and set a snare. I tied cord to the chicken coup support and set the snare down directly in front of Sandy. Sandy walked right into the trap and sure enough she was snared. Unfortunately Sandy did not stop walking when the line was tight and Sandy ended up pulling loose the chicken coup support and down went the chicken coup with chickens and hay flying all over the place. My aunt and uncle did not ask me to stay for supper that day. In fact, they didn’t say anything to me at all. They acted like they were real mad about something.

SPORTS I CARE ABOUT
By Ted Colin
The Twicks and Tweed Trout Ice Trip Triple Triumph is an ice fishing festival held each year on Nicky Lake. It is sponsored by Twicks and Tweed Tracking and Tackle Inc. It is held starting at midnight on the last weekend in November and this last weekend I had a great time there.

I showed up at just about midnight last Friday night and watched as about 300 anglers and snowmobilers started to make their way out onto the lake. At first glance I thought that the lake was still open with no ice at all on it. An old timer told me that there was open water but just a few inches below the water’s surface ice had formed. I didn’t want to get my feet wet so I just hung back as the rest of the people started to move off shore. Soon, I noticed that everyone that went out on the lake was swimming and struggling to get back to shore. It occurred to me that maybe that ice was a lot further down below the water’s surface than what the old timer had thought.

PSYCHIC NEWS
By Mystic Madam Misty Merkel
No, I am not related to the big shot lady over there in Germany. My family came from Kalamazoo Michigan. As far as I know my family always lived in Kalamazoo. My ancestors were going to Kalamazoo high school long before Einstein ever invented Germany.

Even though I am a Kalamazoovian and not a German, I do like to go to the festivals in Hankermuth every year. They always have a lot of polka bands so it’s a great time to literally kick up your heels. They have great food in Hankermuth too. I also like the Polish festival they have each year way up in Raydar Michigan. I have a great time there too. One of my former husbands I found there at the Polish festival. Unfortunately, I found him with another woman.

The stock market should go up a little bit next month. If gold keeps going up I’m going to be pulling my back teeth out. After all, its better I get the money than some undertaker. I found out about undertakers stealing teeth from a lot of upset spirits that have been visiting my dreams lately to tell me about their stolen teeth. Evidently, gold teeth are like a get out of hell free card after you die. According to my sources heaven really needs money. Heavens been running deficit budgets for years and they need the gold to pay off their debt to the Chinese. They just don’t make anything in heaven anymore. Even the production of their harps and fancy gowns are outsourced to a company in Indonesia. To top it all off Heaven bought several quadrillion dollars of Mortgage Backed Securities from the U.S. Treasury.

I hate it when dead accountants show up in my dreams and burden my brain with all that financial stuff. I have trouble figuring out how to pay the lot rent where my trailer sits let alone being worried about the fancy finance of rich people, living or dead.

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
By Gerrard
‘Ts the season,” for lots of movies. I just wish they’d let me bring my own pop and pop corn to the cinema. I could watch two movies for the price of the dog gone pop and pop corn. One thing I do like about theatre popcorn is the extra butter option. Butter is one of those things you just can’t get enough of in life. A lot of times that hot butter poured over the popcorn are the only reason to finish watching some of those really crummy movies. All those romance movies have the women all crying into their hankies while the guys are stuffing their face with popcorn and every guy is just wishing the movie would end. Popcorn is a guy’s comfort food when the movie is making him feel really uncomfortable.

The new “Tron” movie is really good but, it kind of brings back some bad memories from my childhood. You see my father was absorbed into the Internet and has never returned. My mom told me the story of how my dad disappeared back when I was still in grade school.

The story begins with Al Gore and his invention of the Internet. At that time Al Gore was just a Senator so he had lot’s extra time to spend as a mad scientist working in the field of astrophysics. Al Gore was the person given credit by historians as the person who created the Internet but, it was really my father who made the ultimate sacrifice so that billions of people could communicate and be entertained with just the click of a button.

Before my father made his sacrifice communication via a very crude Internet connection was difficult and nasty. Al Gore used his vast knowledge of the space/time continuum along with his psychic abilities to predict weather patterns to construct a parallel universe to this one. This parallel universe is still used for the transmission and reception of all signals over the Internet. Fiber optic cable and other transmission lines are really just a rouse perpetrated by the government and technology companies so that people make payments to be hooked up to the Internet when in fact every cable guy knows that the Internet is not a system of cables and routers but is in fact a separate universe from our own to which any computer can be connected without any type of signal enhancer or cable. In order to connect to this other universe and hence the Internet all the cable guy does is press down “Alt” on the keyboard and triple click the mouse at the same time.

Al Gore found that in order to setup the Internet he needed to have a hook-up done in the alternate universe. My father at the time was a TV repairman and he really bought into the idea of an Internet that could stream football games anywhere anytime. When a note was put up in the break room where my dad worked asking for a volunteer to travel into an alternate universe and hook up the Internet my dad did not hesitate to volunteer. He was the only volunteer so he was chosen to go.

I almost remember the day he said goodbye. My mom told me that whatever happened that he would always be out there. My mom was later told by a government guy that my dad disappeared into the Internet but, never came back. It seems that my dad was tuned into trillions of photons and sent into the alternate universe to make the hook-up to this one. It was estimated that after one hour my dad should have the job done. At that time the “Alt” key was to be held down and the mouse was supposed to be clicked three times. Well, everything went as planned. My dad vanished into the Internet and after an hour a computer geek was ready to extract my father from the alternate universe. The geek pressed down the “Alt” key but, because he had been drinking coffee lattés all day the geek was jittery and did about fifty clicks instead of three. Well, my dad was gone and no one was able to find him again. They told my mom that my dad most likely disappeared into the trillions of bits of information sent over the great Internet.

I still think my dad might come back. Sometimes I go down into the basement and do an “Alt” triple click on my keyboard.  I just wish I could afford to hook up to the internet.